Get Out Of My Way, Fear!

girl running

I’m super excited to share with you how over these last few months I have come to a greater understanding of my identity in Christ. Seems silly doesn’t it? I’ve been a Christian for just shy of 16 years, plus I grew up in a Christian family, and yet I’ve only just now come to know and understand what it means to have my identity rooted in Christ. But it’s true, and the freedom from learning how to walk in my identity as a DAUGHTER of the MOST HIGH GOD has been amazing.

The learning began after I started reading some books about seeing and moving in the spiritual realm. I’ve always wanted to be able to move in the spiritual realm through the power of the Holy Spirit, and as I’ve read the Gospels and the Book of Acts I’ve become convinced that God wants to move in signs and wonders — through prophecy, healing, casting out of demons, and through the gifts of the Spirit. For as long as I’ve been a Christian I have longed for God to teach me to move and minister in this way, but each time I started exploring this in my own faith I would be overcome by terrifying fear. Fear of Satan, demons, and the possibility of their possession of me. It was crippling. When I’d pray I would have this sense of something malevolent in the room. When I’d take my dog out to the toilet at night I was terrified of coming face-to-face with something demonic or a person influenced by the demonic. When I went to bed at night I would cover my head with the blanket because it felt like I was surrounded by more than simply the darkness of night. It felt like I was surrounded by a spiritual darkness, and sometimes even seeing demonic faces hovering in front of my closed eyelids. When fear came over me at night my heart would shrivel up and I would curl up into the foetal position under my doona. I couldn’t sleep and I never felt safe.

As a child my mother had taught me that if I ever experienced something evil or was afraid then all I needed to do was to call on the name of Jesus and he would fight for me. And so I did, but it didn’t seem to work. The fear kept coming. I felt utterly helpless. I felt captive to this fear.

When I had experienced this previously I’d eventually get to a place where I just had to shut it out, but that also meant that I shut down my growing ability to see and move in the spiritual realm through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Over and over I went through this cycle as I sought to try and grow in my ability to move in the spiritual realm more fully, but each time the experience of fear would stop me.

Recently I decided to try and step into that space again. The fear came back with an intensity like I’d never experienced. But I was now in a place where I was determined to conquer it. I didn’t want to keep living like this. On the recommendation from a friend I started reading two amazing and life changing books – Visions Beyond the Veil by H.A. Baker and The Veil by Blake K Healy. As I delved into these books I came to realise that the reason I was so overcome by fear was because I had an underdeveloped understanding of my identity in Christ. I had never fully come to appreciate and own the fact that I am a child of the Most High God, and therefore Satan and his minions have no claim or power over me. They wanted me to believe they did, hence they used fear to try to overwhelm me and prevent me from learning how to step into the potential that I have in Christ, but I’ve come to realise that it was all smoke and mirrors.

At the same time my friend (the same friend who recommended the books) told me that in order to step into our identity in Christ we have to first reject the false identities that Satan desires us to live in. He plants these false identities in our minds through negative experiences and memories, encouraging us to believe them and take them on as definitions of who we are. Satan does this because he wants to stop us from growing into the people God wants, and has planned for us to be. For me, one of those false identities was the belief that I was a failure. There was the lie that I was a failure because I was always sinning, the lie that I was a failure because I am unable to give my husband children, and more recently the lie that I was failure because I had wasted time trying to have children instead of pursuing God’s ministry.

As I spent time with God, asking Him to show me and teach me about my identity in Christ I was able to shed these false identities, and step into my true identity as a daughter of the Most High King. I realised that I truly am loved and adored. I realised that I have been given God’s authority. I realised I have nothing to fear.

And the freedom has been UH-MAZING! My prayer life is joyful and I sense loving energy flowing in the room again. I’m not afraid to walk my dog out at night. I’m sleeping again (with my head above the doonas!). I’d heard it before, but now I’ve come to realise on a deeper level that God is love, and there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). God is my protector and shield, and because I am his beloved daughter I have no reason to fear. For as the Apostle Paul said, “… nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love” (Romans 8:38).

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